Se afișează postările cu eticheta memories of my past life. Afișați toate postările
Se afișează postările cu eticheta memories of my past life. Afișați toate postările

noiembrie 14, 2011

Another letter to the Vodka drinker


It seems we got to the point where we’re unable to look each other in the eyes. We’re both in love with other people now and I don’t know how you’re feeling (I don’t even want to guess), but it kind of bothers me not to able to talk to you the way I used to. I don’t know if I miss what we once had. I’m sure you’re better off with her, ‘cause she’s a miracle (one I wasn’t able to accept). And all of a sudden, one late night it came to my mind that despite the non existent relationship we’re having now, what we had back then was really beautiful. I don’t regret it happened, I’m not sad it ended, I’m just glad we… had that time together back then.
It’s weird though how much I used to burn when I was around you and now, every time we meet my body seems to get cold and I mentally push you away, not because I have to, but because I want to.
I don’t know if back then you hurt at least half as much as I did. You most probably didn’t, because of the two of us you were the one who had someone to turn to, someone to hold. I don’t even know why I’m writing this. Our story remained buried somewhere far back in time.
I’m thinking that may be I’m writing this because somewhere deep in my subconscious I realize that you can’t look at me (different than you used to), you can’t talk to me (without risking going back …there) …and I’m pretty sure we feel the same. I’m pretty sure that none of us wants to go back to where we started (for as good as it was).
I remember you used the term “bad timing” and I struggled to understand (truth is I couldn’t). But things don’t last forever and our time was up before … before we got the chance to use it. Truth is I never found the “good time” for this kind of things; somehow I always come up late and miss all the fun, feed on the leftovers.
I’d rather play with a broken porcelain doll than with a cheap ‘made in China’ robot.

noiembrie 02, 2011

[draft]


E linişte, dar e liniştea dinaintea replicii furtunii. Am tras linie, dar potopul n-a trecut. Mă pregătesc să scriu nota de subsol.
Mintea mi-e încă acolo, minut de minut. Nu mai vreau să stau cu obloanele trase pentru a-mi putea conserva liniştea. Vreau să merg pe stradă ţinând capul sus, fără să-mi mai fie teamă de ghiveciul care-mi ameninţă ţeasta. Ghiveciul ăsta nu-i vreun drob de sare; el cade, cade şi de trei ori pe zi.

Hamsterul a obosit şi stă acum întins, ros de frustrări.

Nu mai vreau, pentru că nu mai pot, Orice dorinţă mi s-ar putea îndeplini acum, sunt în stare s-o refuz.

N-am nevoie de indiferenţă
Nu e în regulă că ignoră regulile gramaticale
Nu eu i-am frânt lui inima
Nu eu m-am lepădat de ea
Nu sunt Leu cu ascendent în ...şarpe
N-am trecut pe cealaltă parte a străzii

În fine...ducă-se, căci eu am avut mereu curaj. Am dat tot şi m-am şi împrumutat.

A fost cutremur de 17 pe Richter şi Big Ben-ul n-a căzut.

mai 19, 2011


"You shall not trust the one who resembles the devil"
 *** 
- Isn't it funny how some relationships often leave behind almost nothing but soundtracks? -
- Isn't it curious how you become interested in things you used to hate, just because they now remind you of some precious moments you're not yet willing to let go? -
 



mai 14, 2011

I'm out of yellow post its

Dear Vodka drinker, 
It's spring and it smells like tulips, you know how much I hate tulips. I can still remember your smile and your kiss, but I seem to have forgotten all our arguments. It's moments like these when I'm sorry time never drips backwards. 
I believe I never got the chance to thank you for the mid XXth century legacy you've left me with. I wonder if you still read this and if you still keep me alive somewhere, somehow... 
I'm also curious if springs are always gonna remind me of you (of us). 

forever not yours, 
Miss Burroughs

octombrie 17, 2010

may i feel said he
(i'll squeal said she
just once said he)
it's fun said she

(may i touch said he
how much said she
a lot said he)
why not said she

(let's go said he
not too far said she
what's too far said he
where you are said she)

may i stay said he
which way said she
like this said he
if you kiss said she

may i move said he
is it love said she)
if you're willing said he
(but you're killing said she

but it's life said he
but your wife said she
now said he)
ow said she

(tiptop said he
don't stop said she
oh no said he)
go slow said she

(cccome?said he
ummm said she)
you're divine!said he
(you are Mine said she)

e. e. cummings

iulie 05, 2010

MAUD MULLER, on a summer's day,
Raked the meadow sweet with hay.

Beneath her torn hat glowed the wealth
Of simple beauty and rustic health.

Singing, she wrought, and her merry glee
The mock-bird echoed from his tree.

But when she glanced to the far-off town,
White from its hill-slope looking down,

The sweet song died, and a vague unrest
And a nameless longing filled her breast,

A wish, that she hardly dared to own,
For something better than she had known.

The Judge rode slowly down the lane,
Smoothing his horse's chestnut mane.

He drew his bridle in the shade
Of the apple-trees, to greet the maid,

And ask a draught from the spring that flowed
Through the meadow across the road.

She stooped where the cool spring bubbled up,
And filled for him her small tin cup,

And blushed as she gave it, looking down
On her feet so bare, and her tattered gown.

"Thanks!" said the Judge; "a sweeter draught
From a fairer hand was never quaffed."

He spoke of the grass and flowers and trees,
Of the singing birds and the humming bees;

Then talked of the haying, and wondered whether
The cloud in the west would bring foul weather.

And Maud forgot her brier-torn gown,
And her graceful ankles bare and brown;

And listened, while a pleased surprise
Looked from her long-lashed hazel eyes.

At last, like one who for delay
Seeks a vain excuse, he rode away.

Maud Muller looked and sighed: "Ah me!
That I the Judge's bride might be!

"He would dress me up in silks so fine,
And praise and toast me at his wine.

"My father should wear a broadcloth coat;
My brother should sail a painted boat.

"I'd dress my mother so grand and gay,
And the baby should have a new toy each day.

"And I'd feed the hungry and clothe the poor
And all should bless me who left our door."

The Judge looked back as he climbed the hill,
And saw Maud Muller standing still.

"A form more fair, a face more sweet
Ne'er hath it been my lot to meet.

"And her modest answer and graceful air
Show her wise and good as she is fair.

"Would she were mine, and I to-day,
Like her, a harvester of hay

"No doubtful balance of rights and wrongs,
Nor weary lawyers with endless tongues,

"But low of cattle and song of birds,
And health and quiet and loving words."

But he thought of his sisters, proud and cold,
And his mother, vain of her rank and gold.

So, closing his heart, the Judge rode on,
And Maud was left in the field alone.

But the lawyers smiled that afternoon,
When he hummed in court an old love-tune;

And the young girl mused beside the well,
Till the rain on the unraked clover,

He wedded a wife of richest dower,
Who lived for fashion, as he for power.

Yet oft, in his marble hearth's bright glow,
He watched a picture come and go;

And sweet Maud Muller's hazel eyes
Looked out in their innocent surprise.

Oft, when the wine in his glass was red,
He longed for the wayside well instead;

And closed his eyes on his garnished rooms
To dream of meadows and clover-blooms.

And the proud man sighed, with a secret pain,
"Ah, that I were free again!

"Free as when I rode that day,
Where the barefoot maiden raked her hay."

She wedded a man unlearned and poor,
And many children played round her door.

But care and sorrow, and childbirth pain,
Left their traces on heart and brain.

And oft, when the summer sun shone hot
On the new-mown hay in the meadow lot,

And she heard the little spring brook fall
Over the roadside, through the wall;

In the shade of the apple-tree again
She saw a rider draw his rein.

And gazing down with timid grace
She felt his pleased eyes read her face.

Sometimes her narrow kitchen walls
Stretched away into stately halls;

The weary wheel to a spinnet turned,
The tallow candle an astral burned,

And for him who sat by the chimney lug,
Dozing and grumbling o'er pipe and mug,

A manly form at her side she saw,
And joy was duty and love was law.

Then she took up her burden of life again,
Saying only, "it might have been."

Alas for maiden, alas for Judge,
For rich repiner and household drudge!


God pity them both! and pity us all,
Who vainly the dreams of youth recall.

For of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: "It might have been!"

Ah, well! for us all some sweet hope lies
Deeply buried from human eyes;

And, in the hereafter, angels may
Roll the stone from its grave away!

-THE END-
John Greenleaf Whittier's poem: Maud Muller

iunie 18, 2010

Jag bär så många människor på mitt ansikte. Jag ser dem i spegeln varje dag, men när jag ser tillbaka är det inte en stående bredvid mig.

februarie 13, 2010

Îmi lipseşte uneori atât de mult vremea când scriam scrisori. Când aveam zilnic cutia poştală plină. Şi tot entuziasmul şi nerăbdarea cu care deschideam şi citeam o scrisoare. Bucuria şi ardoarea de a răspunde cât mai repede, numai pentru a primi şi mai repede alte şi alte scrisori. Friendship Book-urile, oamenii noi, prieteniile care după 10 ani sunt încă la fel de vii... şi toate acele mici plăceri ezoterice.


:Beautiful South - Rotterdam or anywhere

: 13:42

:sunny

februarie 10, 2010

3 out of 21 years of my life are missing... I must have left the pause button on. I still don't know what happened. I skipped so many things. The last thing I remember of my old life is me taking this pills that used to burn my brain or something close to that...than BLANK. Same shit every single day for 3 years in a row. Same happenings, different people. And I still don't know what I'm doing wrong. It's just this scene going on and on like forever and I don't know what can I do to stop it and move forward. Just how long is it gonna take before I spot the crucial mistake I'm making?

noiembrie 07, 2009

Meet me in Stockholm next year

"Acasă" îşi pierde constant semnificaţia. A rămas numai drumul dintre punctul A şi punctul B de parcurs săptămânal în cel mai inert mod cu putinţă, cu vântul în faţă, printre frunze ude. Două locuri care s-au răcit inconştient spre a deveni tot mai ostile. Telefonul a intrat în perioada de hibernare pe care consideră c-o merită. Luminile oraşului sunt tot mai palide, serile târzii şi reci petrecute pe străzi şi în staţii de autobuz sunt acum insipide. Seva paginilor devorate zilnic cu un disperat nesaţ nu se mai absoarbe la fel de eficient.
Prietenii decupaţi în serie din hârtie creponată s-au topit, fără urmă de regret, sub stropii viguroşi ai ploilor de toamnă.
Nu mai intru în aceleaşi parcuri de teama fantomelor calde. Omizile ocoleau mereu cu indiferenţă trupurile mute ce tânjeau după apropieri ambigue. Să fie eşecuri sau aşa arată de fapt partea plină a paharului?
Nu există căi de întoarcere, ci doar cărări neexperimentate şi ostile. Optimismul e din ce în ce mai perimat.
Spaţiul devine dinadins tot mai îngust, timpul e nejustificat mai lacom.
Meet me next year, sailor!

octombrie 31, 2009

despre oameni


Da, alter ego-ul meu se dezice de mine şi vrea să scrie pe blog. Ţine să spună lumii că nimic nu e nou sub soarele ăsta de toamnă. Oamenii rămîn ataşaţi de vechile lor obiceiuri, dar încurcatele căi ale tehnologiei îi mai determină uneori pe oameni să asculte muzică de împrumut. O fi ciudat că unui om care ascultă mult black metal i se pare că o trupă Kasabian sună niţel ca un nene Panjabi? Oamenii merg la film şi le place teribil de mult atmosfera de acolo. Oamenii speră, pentru că speranţa e mai nemuritoare decît Duncan McLoud, chiar dacă este de multe ori şi nejustificată. „Bad things don’t happen to beautiful people” – Kelly Bundy
Oamenilor le bate inima puternic cînd văd miraje pe coridoarele universităţii. Oamenii poartă atunci zîmbete veştejite pe tricouri demodate. Oamenii ţin capul sus.

septembrie 25, 2009

some unfinished stories



Some drown their highest dreams in deep glasses of wine, while others feed from love stories written with honey and milk.
Some burn hopes under the accusation of heresy, while others afford to buy brand new pairs of diamond wings for their precious angels.
Some reject butterflies, while others hunt for bats.
Some don't find time to be happy for themselves, because they're too busy fading out in someone else's personality.
Some give up their received gifts to embrace those who belong to others.
Some complete stories are long forgotten, while others will never end, for they're missing-parts puzzles.

ianuarie 04, 2008

supradoza de sentimente

Pe o masă, undeva, se află o sticlă. Conţinutul ei te atrage în mod inexplicabil; guşti din ea, are un gust deosebit, ceva ce ai cunoscut din totdeauna, dar n-ai experimentat niciodată. Treptat, savoarea îţi acaparează simţurile. Hipnotizat, nici nu observi repeziciunea cu care acest miraj te închide în interiorul lui. Este apogeul plăcerii oferite de această băutură stranie. Pe neaşteptate te trezeşti la fundul sticlei, sorbi şi ultima picătură, când realizezi că eşti prins. Gura sticlei este atât de sus, gâtul ei atât de îngust, pereţii alunecoşi… Strigi după ajutor, loveşti pereţii sticlei încercând să-i spargi. Totul este în zadar; pereţii sunt prea groşi, iar puterile tale sunt limitate. Sticla nu are însă dop, lucru care îţi permite să respiri şi mai ales, să speri că vei putea evada, lucru pe care-l vei face, amintindu-ţi fabula celor două broaşte. Un dop ce astupă gura sticlei ar însemna condamnarea ta, datorată slăbiciunilor tale. În acest caz singura ta salvare ar fi ca sticla să se spargă, lucru care prea rar se întâmplă...

ianuarie 02, 2008

Elucubratii

Muzica preferată, cana de cafea rece şi amară; aceleaşi gânduri de ieri, aceleaşi de mâine. Cel mai adesea în dragoste, inima ţi-o fură cine n-are nevoie de ea. Dezamăgiri inutile. O femeie nu uită niciodată prima ei iubire, însă cel mai important rămâne bărbatul de lângă ea.

Prieteni lipsiţi de prietenie – o metaforă reuşită, un adevăr crud. O mulţime de clowni cu pretenţii de scriitori geniali se închid în turnul lor de fildeş, observă lumea printr-o perdea, iar apoi vând definiţii second-hand despre dragoste şi viaţă. Eterni adolescenţi ale căror „comori” vor rămâne mereu frustrarea şi nesiguranţa. Eterni virgini care-şi strigă virilitatea în cele 4 zări. Vulgaritatea boemă este marea artă a momentului. Nuca aplicată mai forţat decât e nevoie în perete provoacă sentimente inefabile. Genii pustii privesc dezgustate în jur în timp ce se scufundă în pahare de gin tonic; e singurul aliat când nimeni din jur nu se ridică la sublimele lor aşteptări.

Mai comod decât să ne autocunoaştem, ni se spune că este să repetăm succesele părinţilor.

Nu văd, nu aud, dar îţi simt parfumul. La fel de ieftin ca tine… Ne desparte un zid prin care-ţi închipui că nu pot vedea. Nu te cunosc, dar ştiu cine eşti. Îmi e de ajuns ca tu să nu mă poţi păcăli. Nu-mi poţi impune să gândesc ca tine. Micuţă larvă, ca să devii fluture ai nevoie să-ţi crească aripi.