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martie 04, 2016

#guiltypleasures


Pasiunea mea pentru lumânări parfumate a început pe când aveam 16 ani… Împreună cu o prietenă am început să testez şi să colecţionez lumânări cu arome. Nu-mi mai amintesc bine, dar sunt aproape sigură că nu ştiam noi mare lucru despre aromaterapie pe vremea aia.  Îmi reamintesc totuşi că de fiecare dată când paşii ne purtau prin bam boo, nu plecam de acolo cu mâna goală, ci obligatoriu cu o lumânare nouă. Aşa se face că de-a lungul anilor am fost îndrăgostită pe rând de mirosul de miere, de mosc, fructe de pădure, iar în final m-am oprit la cel de lavandă, pe care îl ador şi acum. 

Acum a venit primăvara, iar odată cu ea şi ploile... Mărturisesc aici că oricât de mult iubesc să mă plimb prin ploaie fără umbrelă, cred că mai mult îmi place să privesc stropii de ploaie pe fereastră, de la căldură.

Aşa că dau drumul la muzică (ceva jazz to set the mood) şi îmi aprind una dintre lumânările preferate cu miros de lavandă. Pe cea mai puternică am primit-o de Crăciun de la prietena mea, Elis. Nu ştiu de unde a cumpărat minunăţia asta, dar jur că este cea mai bună lumânare parfumată pe care am avut-o în ultimii ani. 

Din decembrie şi până acum, micile mele sesiuni de aromaterapie cu lumânarea asta au fost secretul meu de a trece cu brio peste efectele zilelor stresante la birou şi pentru a mă pregăti, cu un somn bun, pentru încă o zi în paradis... Recunosc, nici acum nu ştiu mare lucru despre aromaterapie, însă ştiu că lavanda ajută la eliberarea de stările nervoase, dar şi la combaterea insomniilor. 


Aşadar, iată reţeta mea de relaxare pentru zilele cu vreme mehorâtă ori serile ce pun capăt unor zile nu tocmai reuşite: o lumânare cu aromă de lanvandă, muzica preferată, un ceai sau un pahar de vin roşu. Cred că este un răsfăţ minim pe care oricine şi-l permite, dar mai ales îl merită.

februarie 23, 2016

Love only lasts three years

I finally moved away from it all. I left it behind, I left them, but most of all I left him behind. I didn't (and still don't) feel any remorse by leaving behind my greatest passion, maybe because I know this is not our final good-bye; in fact I didn't come this far to only come this far, right? And I didn't even feel sorry for a second that I had left behind those people... As a matter of fact, it actually felt like a relieve. Maybe this is exactly the kind of feeling you are supposed to have when leaving a place where you fit, but where you don't belong. 

On the opposite, it felt very painful to give him up. If I were to compare it to something, it would have to be a candle flame going out. The last day I saw him felt like mourning. I took a good look at him, as I knew I will never get another chance. I took a mental picture I wanna carry around with me for as long as possible. I went away without a proper good-bye as my feelings for him were flooding my soul. I had lost him forever then and there. 

He's not perfect and I'm not either, but for the first time in half my life I felt he was a keeper. Yet, I had no clue how to do that. I only pushed him away with my awkward moods. I always felt this strange connection to him and no matter how bad he hurt me in the past, I always wanted the best for him. Yet, I wasn't able to give it to him. Today it's his birthday and that's how we actually got to say the last words we'll ever tell each other... 

For as painful as it turned out to be, I never would have wanted to let go, I never would have wanted this to end. I'm used to making excuses and coming up with explanations, but this time I can hardly find any. So much is lost. I'm not Adele, so my hopes of ever finding someone like him do not exist. 

I don't know if things actually happen for a reason, or they are just random facts. I also don't know if losing some will eventually win you some... As well as I don't know about karma or if I should be thankful for unanswered prayers. All I know that then and there my heart broke in a way it hadn't before. I'm not depressed, I'm just sad. I made my choices and they all led me here. So, yeah, I really can't tell if things ever happen for a reason. 

octombrie 17, 2015

Facing the irreversible


 Sometimes life takes you places from where there is no going back. Eleven years later...back to the same spot from which you need to toughen up and it only got worse. Worse to adapt. A dead end, a point where all hope suddenly fades. A situation beyond any control. It's the course of life that no one can stop. You just need to face it and try to move beyond. Sometimes there just isn't any turning back. You're bound to lose. Nothing, not even prayers can stop the irreversible from happening. Everyone gets to this point and no one is ever truly prepared for it. They sometimes say the biggest mistake you can make is believe you have time.

iulie 31, 2015

The sight of the finish line

✞  Imagine you have this tool that fixes everything in your broken life. But one day the so called magical tool breaks beyond repair. 
✞  She gazes at the purple veins under her perfect and beautiful white skin. A true life saver.
✞  The tears keep pouring harder than the rain outside. It's a blurry curtain between now and the end. All hope is gone and has been replaced by despair. Imagining this is the end, but not wanting to accept defeat. God must have a bitter sense of humor.

"Hush little dreamer, the bearer of light has come to set you free! Now, little dreamer, at last you can sigh, 'cause the nightmares will be released..."

iulie 28, 2015

#Five things

favorite destination

Times of hard trying are actually times of trying hard. Sometimes you get used to things settling for themselves, but there are also times when things simply won't come into place no matter what you do. It is perhaps the way of the Universe telling you that you are on the wrong path and you need to adjust a bit. You then sit down and reconsider your strategy of approaching the important things you want in life. It's essential that you don't lose yourself in the process, that you don't lose hope and it is very important to always keep your greater goal in sight. So breathe... relax... and get ready to kick some ass. 

favorite quote

favorite look
 favorite accessory

favorite place

aprilie 26, 2015

Only love can hurt like this

...or at least that's what they say. Is it possible to feel both young and old at the same time and over the same thing? I guess it is. I noticed that as I age pain keeps getting shorter, but sharper. I'm back on my feet in no time, but the bullet scars are there to stay... that I know. I carry the wrinkles of my poor choices on my face. They will remind me forever of the wrong paths I took. And boy, I went all the way to the dead end every time. I swear I don't understand where all my energy comes from. How am I still able to stand and how am I able to start over as nothing ever hurt me before? Sure, that's far from being a bad thing, yet it surprises me. To be honest, I'm proud of the person I grew to be after walking through thorns for so long (and the painful journey seems far from over). I'm proud not to hate anyone. I'm proud of how I manage to put all that energy into improving myself so I can start over and over again... and hope for the sun to rise and never set... Is it even possible? Does the heartache ever go away for good?

martie 07, 2015

You like to think you're strong, that you're in control. You actually believe that. You make choices that seem legitimate. You are blinded by your idea of fairness and correctness. You hurt people without realizing. You do when it's late and you are almost left behind to count the casualties. You are loved and you are wanted. Feels like Heaven all of a sudden. Heaven with a slight window to the Hell you set aside. It's wrong, but it feels right because you believe you're entitled to happiness. You are strong and smart enough to always get want you want no matter the costs. You are weak and need comfort. You feel too strong to admit to your mistakes and unhappiness.

***
Try different they said. You always go on the same path and you always get severely bruised. So I tried different. A path like no other before. So distinct and so familiar. An unknown way that seemed to lead home. An illusion. One thing I learned: coincidences do exist. There are no omens to confirm the path is right for you. The only thing you need to follow in order to get where you're supposed to is your instinct. I felt paranoid before the dead end. I hit a wall, realized I can't change reality and it turns out I wasn't at all paranoid.

***
I was there through all the death that came. I learned selflessness. I wanted to be there more. I found out that deep within me I knew how to transform lust into love and use that to comfort people at the end. If you still have the energy, please don't turn it into hate. Hate is poison. Revenge is useless. Just love throughout and when there's no corner left to place that energy, turn it upon yourself. It's powerful and positive enough to nurture your growth too. Just think about it: if you can love others so much, why not love yourself just the right amount or more?...

octombrie 06, 2014

Monday briefing

Am început recent să suspectez că respectul este strict apanajul oamenilor inteligenţi, că doar lor li s-a încredinţat prin nu ştiu ce minune simţul măsurii. Doar un om cu adevărat inteligent ştie să distingă limitele fine şi prea fragile ale bunului simţ, ştie unde se termină libertatea lui şi unde începe spaţiul personal al altuia. Ştie când să tacă, ştie cât să spună, ştie să evite să te pună în situaţii jenante, ştie să distingă o glumă proastă de una bună şi ştie să mereu rostul şi măsura fiecărui cuvânt. Este simplu să îţi dai seama cât de inteligent este un om doar observând lucrurile care îl amuză. Şi abia asta mi se pare foarte trist. 

EXERCIŢII
- Doar mie mi se pare din când în când că atunci când s-au împărţit modestia şi umilinţa, s-au dat numai pe sub mână? 
- Şi ce s-a întâmplat cu clasicul "dacă nu ai nimic (bun) de zis, mai bine taci"?







*de data asta fără exemple

septembrie 12, 2014

Wake me up when September ends

It's always incredible how things can change in a fast way in very little time. One day you go to sleep knowing one thing and then you wake up the other day and suddenly you need to start fresh. 

Autumn has always been my season of great or fundamental change. I have been witnessing change so many times over the years and yet it keeps taking me be surprise. It's like I'm riding a roller coaster over and over again, but it always feels like the first time. What I've learn is the it is always for the best. Taking a leap forward at a time. Sometimes it's painful and looks pointless at first sight, but then again... It's like a test where you have to prove you've learned your lessons. 

What I like best it's the review part, where you get to see the true faces of people surrounding you. 

Close friends have always been there and supported me through rough times with  no complains. I wish I could find a good way to thank them for that. Meanwhile I can struggle to be a better person that they can relay on. It's a form of respect ヅ. 

Toughest part is the one where you need to stand and follow the path you chose. Winds are strong and you need to face the obstacles that fate sets for you. I've learned that when a door closes, you can either look for another one or just jump through the window. In the end anything that helps you follow your path excuses the measures. Just don't let yourself controlled by people, money or the bitterness of your past and remember that nothing lasts forever. 

Do more of what makes you happy and whatever you do remember to stand straight no matter what happens around you.


august 17, 2014

#Five things

favorite quote

It's been an exhausting week adding up to an exhausting summer. God is my witness I love my job more than anything, but I hate the fact that I'm working in a city that I can't afford to live in and that I almost never have the time to attend the events I'm dying to go to. So, this weekend I missed two beach parties I am longing to go to every year.  At least I got to meet up with some friends and catch up on our latest news. Also went to the beach on one of the rare times I get to do that. To sum it up, I'd still have to say that this week good vibes went "that way".

favorite place

favorite accessory

favorite interior

 favorite look



august 12, 2014


Lately I've been having these weird dreams that turned into slight obsessions. Mostly because they involve powerful feelings that can be hidden, but never gotten rid of. Even though it makes me sad or at least it gives me a sort of stressful mood, I'm not sure I want to get rid of these dreams. Besides everything they give me an image of something that I'll probably never see again. So basically I'm feeding on illusions that also torment me and raise my anxiety. But what can I say,  I love it when it rains... Above all, I think I'm still hoping for a miracle to set things in place the way I always dreamed. 

They say you should be careful what you wish for, because sooner or later you might actually get it (and it usually happens at a bad time), but in this case I'm willing to take the risk. They also say that you should never give up on something that makes you think about it every day. I guess that's what I'm doing, I'm holding on to a chimaera.

mai 01, 2014

something's wrong

Dacă într-o relaţie lucrul care se fute cel mai des este bateria telefonului... e timpul să-ţi pui întrebări.

aprilie 30, 2014

Birthday Girl:Interrupted

On the very day I turned 26. I must admit, this looks pretty close to what I was aiming for.

aprilie 05, 2014

True story

Your life does not resemble any movie. Films are made after true stories, a proof that we're not all so different after all.

martie 06, 2014

Move along... there's nothing to see here

Day by day I'm growing more disappointed by people, by places I find myself in and by my self for not being able to hold onto my ambitions. Seems like I can't find my place. Day by day so many things change and the way I feel about different situations. It seems easier to take these changes and they bring more joy that changes used to bring through teenage years. It's different now. Armour got stronger, shell got thicker... (OK, I'm not sure I like the way that sounds, but I'm gonna leave it anyway). 

In deed, this new era it's not about speed anymore, it's about information. Loads of energy and time consuming energy. Everything gets so simple, yet so so complicate to deal with it in the same old 24 hours. I'm reconsidering "pointless" and question more about open mindness... Reading became a whole different experience and I seem to have lost track of my old passions. Seems so odd to call them "old" and picturing them inside my head as dusted and hidden in chests...

It's interesting to observe what are the things that bring me joy in these times. Redefining role models, reconsidering purposes, choices, likes and dislikes. Truth is I still don't like a bunch a people (a little more every day). I'm losing patience in front of any thick-skin and I think more people should to. I don't see the purpose in tolerating bullies and bad manners, mostly when you know you would never treat other disrespectfully. 

Anyways, most rewarding these days I find the fact that I know what I want, who I want and I feel less sorry for past losses. Even though there is one thing I will always regret losing... :) But I guess that's just how life goes. It gives you something, then takes it way...leaves you with a scar and for the rest of your time around this place you know what you could have had if you had become a better person sooner.

decembrie 29, 2013

The post break-up coffee is always bitter than usual

I'm about to have the worst coffee in the last 4 or 5 years. The post break-up coffee. I felt cold, I felt like as if my flesh was ready to leave my bones... My heart suddenly turned into this heavy rock and started to press against. So this is what it feels like when you realize you cared about someone right after they slam the door. The thing now is that I don't know what hurts the most: the failure, the lies, the loneliness or just the loss. The butterflies sure turn into a zoo when you have to see him everyday after that. Knowing you're stuffed with feelings for him (some of which you never felt before) and that somewhere above he feels nothing for you. Sometimes it's the failure. But not this time. With all that he's taught me over the past year I know he's gonna turn into another wrinkle on my face, another heavy memory to bear where I can see it. I will remember him every time I look in the mirror...and I will see him laughing. It wasn't supposed to hurt like this when I'm used to learning the hard way. It was about making our demons learn to play nice with those of the other. But we failed.



decembrie 12, 2013

Review preview (draft 1)

Pe măsură ce se apropie sfârşitul anului am tendinţa melancolică de a face bilanţul celor 12 luni care au trecut. Aşa îmi dau seama, dincolo de pesimismul care mă caracterizează, că 2013 a fost departe de a fi un an reuşit. Adevărul e că am fost delăsătoare, mi-am tot pus beţe în roate... m-am pierdut în hăţişurile saturniene, dacă e să mă iau după previziunile astrologice (şi îmi cam place să mă mint singură as one of my guilty pleasures). 

Mda, partea bună e că totuşi, după multe luni anevoioase am reuşit să pun capăt unei relaţii toxice. Probabil asta a fost lecţia mea astrală or whatever pe 2013. Winning situation after all!
Şi din alt punct de vedere anul meu nu a fost complet şi iremediabil ratat. Blogul meu de pe Tumblr face furori, acum pe sfârşit de an, printre puştii cu media de vârstă 15 ani.Yuhuuu!






octombrie 26, 2013

There has been a time when I used to think song lyrics held most of the answers to all the complicated situations I was facing. Meanwhile, high school keeps calling asking for its drama back. Whatever, it can have it (but not just immediately). Somehow I have been left to deal with a sort of issues, nothing I haven't already experienced, but in a completely different manner this time. Technically, this means I kind of grew up and started seeing things through different perspective, but on the other hand... Everything is the same, but everything changed. I must notice (and I think I need to thank God for that), I don't feel the excruciating pain that tore me apart in the past. 

The issues these days are in fact difficult to deal with, but somehow they don't hurt as much as before, even though I still have no clue of how to figure things out. Seems that I'm never gonna be good with people and what bothers me the most is not being able to solve some of my problems on my own. I hate asking for help, I hate owing favors to others. I keep acting impulsively, I keep making the wrong (very wrong) choices and decisions... and I seem to have lost the notions of good and bad. 

I feel like I'm stuck again. I know I'm gonna go past this, but it does cost me a lot of trouble. I look at the people around me...and, by society rules, I need to find individuals to interact with. But what if I don't like any of the people currently around me? They don't like me either, but I don't care. Most important thing is I learn to like who I am. Yes, about that... it might take a while, because first I might need to define who I am. The places I'm in right now don't help much. I hate to be forced to be defined from the perspective of those currently surrounding me. It's mostly people that force my to have a negative attitude (and boy, am I good at that or what?). I am trying in fact to find a way to escape some of these places, but that's pretty hard to do right now. So, I'm stuck for the moment. Hopefully, I'm not changing my current location for an asylum.

septembrie 21, 2012

Cam aşa au arătat şi foarte multe dintre dimineţile mele din ultima lună.




Foto: Facebook