Marvels by Gérard Rancinan

Pentru că am lăsat în urmă lucrurile neplăcute şi pentru că vreau să mă îndepărtez cât mai mult de ele o să alerg în ciudă până o să fiu la capătul puterilor pentru simt că încă am ceva de dovedit. Asta e, pur şi simplu unele lucruri se iartă, dar nu se uită. Ce faci când de o parte şi de alta a culoarului tău de alergare ai numai oameni care te privesc numai pentru satisfacţia de a te vedea căzând şi poate poate de jos le întinzi mâna?... Nu ştiu voi, dar eu o sunt obişnuită să mă ridic singură, chiar dacă trebuie să mă şi târăsc puţin, măcar o fac de una singură, iar satisfacţia asta e nepreţuită.

Vreau să vă povestesc mai des despre lucrurile simple care nu mor niciodată şi care mie  îmi aduc atâta bucurie că dacă aş muri în momentele alea Cioran s-ar simţi ruşinat şi şi-ar retrage cuvintele despre ce înseamnă fericirea absolută. Acum câţiva ani l-am descoperit pe Gerard Rancinan, un fotograf francez cu o imaginaţie briliantă. Am mai postat aici o lucrarea de-ale lui, iar acum revin cu o colecţie mai consistentă un pic. Şi ca să ne înţelegem, G. Rancinan este un fotojurnalist, dar unul foarte bun, nu din tagma celor pe care îi ştim noi că fac poze la nunţi şi că au pe facebook numele de familie Photography. Acum o să vă las să vă bucuraţi de minunăţiile astea.

 (pentru că iubim soldaţii)

(pentru că şi eu am vise neîmplinite)

 

(chasing the supernatural)

 

(pentru că e adevărat)

Love only lasts three years

I finally moved away from it all. I left it behind, I left them, but most of all I left him behind. I didn't (and still don't) feel any remorse by leaving behind my greatest passion, maybe because I know this is not our final good-bye; in fact I didn't come this far to only come this far, right? And I didn't even feel sorry for a second that I had left behind those people... As a matter of fact, it actually felt like a relieve. Maybe this is exactly the kind of feeling you are supposed to have when leaving a place where you fit, but where you don't belong. 

On the opposite, it felt very painful to give him up. If I were to compare it to something, it would have to be a candle flame going out. The last day I saw him felt like mourning. I took a good look at him, as I knew I will never get another chance. I took a mental picture I wanna carry around with me for as long as possible. I went away without a proper good-bye as my feelings for him were flooding my soul. I had lost him forever then and there. 

He's not perfect and I'm not either, but for the first time in half my life I felt he was a keeper. Yet, I had no clue how to do that. I only pushed him away with my awkward moods. I always felt this strange connection to him and no matter how bad he hurt me in the past, I always wanted the best for him. Yet, I wasn't able to give it to him. Today it's his birthday and that's how we actually got to say the last words we'll ever tell each other... 

For as painful as it turned out to be, I never would have wanted to let go, I never would have wanted this to end. I'm used to making excuses and coming up with explanations, but this time I can hardly find any. So much is lost. I'm not Adele, so my hopes of ever finding someone like him do not exist. 

I don't know if things actually happen for a reason, or they are just random facts. I also don't know if losing some will eventually win you some... As well as I don't know about karma or if I should be thankful for unanswered prayers. All I know that then and there my heart broke in a way it hadn't before. I'm not depressed, I'm just sad. I made my choices and they all led me here. So, yeah, I really can't tell if things ever happen for a reason. 

The sight of the finish line

✞  Imagine you have this tool that fixes everything in your broken life. But one day the so called magical tool breaks beyond repair. 

✞  She gazes at the purple veins under her perfect and beautiful white skin. A true life saver.

✞  The tears keep pouring harder than the rain outside. It's a blurry curtain between now and the end. All hope is gone and has been replaced by despair. Imagining this is the end, but not wanting to accept defeat. God must have a bitter sense of humor.

"Hush little dreamer, the bearer of light has come to set you free! Now, little dreamer, at last you can sigh, 'cause the nightmares will be released..."

#Five things

favorite destination

Times of hard trying are actually times of trying hard. Sometimes you get used to things settling for themselves, but there are also times when things simply won't come into place no matter what you do. It is perhaps the way of the Universe telling you that you are on the wrong path and you need to adjust a bit. You then sit down and reconsider your strategy of approaching the important things you want in life. It's essential that you don't lose yourself in the process, that you don't lose hope and it is very important to always keep your greater goal in sight. So breathe... relax... and get ready to kick some ass. 

 

favorite quote

 

favorite look

 favorite accessory

favorite place

Do not fall in love with people like me
we will take you to
museums and parks
and monuments
and kiss you in every beautiful
place so that you can
never go back to them
without tasting us
like blood in your mouth.

Gabriel Gadfly

Move along... there's nothing to see here

Day by day I'm growing more disappointed by people, by places I find myself in and by my self for not being able to hold onto my ambitions. Seems like I can't find my place. Day by day so many things change and the way I feel about different situations. It seems easier to take these changes and they bring more joy that changes used to bring through teenage years. It's different now. Armour got stronger, shell got thicker... (OK, I'm not sure I like the way that sounds, but I'm gonna leave it anyway). 

In deed, this new era it's not about speed anymore, it's about information. Loads of energy and time consuming energy. Everything gets so simple, yet so so complicate to deal with it in the same old 24 hours. I'm reconsidering "pointless" and question more about open mindness... Reading became a whole different experience and I seem to have lost track of my old passions. Seems so odd to call them "old" and picturing them inside my head as dusted and hidden in chests...

It's interesting to observe what are the things that bring me joy in these times. Redefining role models, reconsidering purposes, choices, likes and dislikes. Truth is I still don't like a bunch a people (a little more every day). I'm losing patience in front of any thick-skin and I think more people should to. I don't see the purpose in tolerating bullies and bad manners, mostly when you know you would never treat other disrespectfully. 

Anyways, most rewarding these days I find the fact that I know what I want, who I want and I feel less sorry for past losses. Even though there is one thing I will always regret losing... :) But I guess that's just how life goes. It gives you something, then takes it way...leaves you with a scar and for the rest of your time around this place you know what you could have had if you had become a better person sooner.

You go back to her and I go back to black

They say a complicated man will always look for a simple woman. I say the deal also goes the other way around. Complicated women often need simple men.

That awkward moment when...

Ai în jur nişte persoane foarte apropiate, cel puţin după anumite criterii sociale şi antropologice (?!), dar ele te tratează mai mereu fără respect. La început nu observi precis, apoi treci cu vederea pentru că există între voi conexiuni mai puternice decât atitudinea...

Într-un final, când deja duci în spate un sac de frustrări grele ca nişte pietre de moară, începi, poate, să-ţi pui întrebări. E vina ta pentru cum te-ai comportat de-a lungul timpului? Sigur, poţi blama răceala ta din suflet şi poţi începe a crede că asta e sursa tuturor relelor din viaţa ta. Te întrebi dacă nu cumva e loc de mai multă toleranţă din partea ta, căci oamenii au problemele lor şi trebuie înţeleşi.

Laşi să treacă zile, luni... iar dacă sufletul tău ar fi un copac, te-ai vedea nevoit, din când în când, să-i smulgi crengile uscate... mai mari şi mai grele. Pe măsură ce le îndepărtezi ştii că dăunătorii n-au dispărut, că vor afecta poate mai mult.

* * *
Finalul e întotdeauna surprinzător şi diferit pentru toată lumea. E=mc2

Dragă... cititorule (adică tu)

Dacă m-aş apuca să explic de ce blogul meu arată aşa cum arată, conţine ceea ce ... conţine şi nu permite comentarii... sau dacă ţi-aş explica, pe înţelesul tău, de ce mă îmbrac numai în negru sau de ce nu mănânc niciodată orez... toate lucrurile astea ţi-ar schimba cumva viaţa? Ţi-ar influenţa cu mult existenţa şi evoluţia? Ştii ce? Nu-mi răspunde, I'm not gonna bond myself to you.

Sincerely, Morphine

Maybe...

Maybe one day I will actually find time to write about all the things that bore me or at least don't interest me, but which I have to pretend I like and enjoy. Perhaps, one day, maybe one afternoon, I will actually find the time to write about all the people I don't like or even I hate, but whom I have to tolerate or pretend I like... 

Yes, maybe one day I will find the time to describe you my personal collection of socially acceptable masks and also tell you about the "benefits" they brought me so far.

 * * * 

...and maybe one day I will find the most precious time to tell you about things and people I love...

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

The unlikeable

I’ve been trying for some time now to write something down, but somehow I still find it difficult to write, to put down any thoughts. I don’t seem to figure out any explanation for that. Practice makes perfect, one might say, but I think I’m also unmotivated. Given the situation, lately I’m trying to calm down a little bit, or a little bit more. I’ve been receiving negative feed back from close friends and family and I could not fight their words, because they were right. Several features of my behavior are defective and sooner or later that needs to change.
A while ago I was writing about some major disappointments I had. Well, add another one or two or maybe even three to those.
Right now I feel like I have a stake to fight for, something that takes loads of patience to accomplish and I find it very difficult to put up with it since I lack patience by default. Some say I’m fighting for a lost cause and it would be better if I gave up once and for all and “move on”. But even though I feel like giving up at least three times a day and I feel like I’ve tried everything in absolute vain, I still don’t want to let this go. Most of all, even if this doesn’t work out the way I want, I still want to prove something to myself, so… painful show goes on.
I have deep roots of unhappiness, I’m always negative and pessimistic and always running around a vicious circle of negative energies. It has added unnecessary years to my face instead of adding it to my behavior. I’m a child stuck in the body of a full grown woman. I lack experience I missed things I’m never going to run into again. What bothers me most about this is that it drags me down, makes me function with a permanent delay. Honestly, I often find myself scared that I’m never going to fill up the gap, get on the right track do the “right” things (as socially accepted – whatever that means). Point is I have needs and I’m unable to fulfill them. I’m most worried about long term consequences. I look back to things and people I’ve left behind and I try to analyze the reasons and I always come up with a scenario that I want to put behind, to forget, to erase. Everyday I want to be able to start over, but I don’t have the enough amount of optimism to see a bright new start in every sunrise. I simply want to fix some things… I just wish I was given the chance to make things right…
Most of all, I need some time alone to learn how to deal with myself, before I deal with…others.

HB